Thursday, March 10

Reflection in frustration

They say Nordic countries have two seasons: a cold season and a very cold one. I tend to agree especially when winter lasts painfully long.

This time the very cold season began in October 2010. Long nights, frosty grey days and two-meter high snowdrifts brought me to extremely low spirits. My mode of life was very uneventful, boring and filled with distress. I had a terrible job, health problems, boyfriend blues and dreaded a huge change in the near future.

The Huge Change was a marriage proposal and a move to Finland, the country that dramatically differs from Russia and where I knew nobody but my husband. Besides I supposed the town we were going to live was so small in comparison with St. Petersburg that there would be nothing to do. That was the right assumption.

Anyways, the decision had been made. I moved in mid-February, married in March and began to get settled in Finnish suburbia fighting back boredom and frustration. A tough thing to do.

These days I often recall Francesca (a character from “The Bridges Of Madison County”) who once said: “When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children; in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you're expected move again only you don't remember what moves you because no-one has asked in so long. Not even yourself.”

…And I start to wonder if I am actually capable of leaving the swinging twenty-something life behind and ready to dedicate myself to my brand-new family.