Thursday, March 10

Reflection in frustration

They say Nordic countries have two seasons: a cold season and a very cold one. I tend to agree especially when winter lasts painfully long.

This time the very cold season began in October 2010. Long nights, frosty grey days and two-meter high snowdrifts brought me to extremely low spirits. My mode of life was very uneventful, boring and filled with distress. I had a terrible job, health problems, boyfriend blues and dreaded a huge change in the near future.

The Huge Change was a marriage proposal and a move to Finland, the country that dramatically differs from Russia and where I knew nobody but my husband. Besides I supposed the town we were going to live was so small in comparison with St. Petersburg that there would be nothing to do. That was the right assumption.

Anyways, the decision had been made. I moved in mid-February, married in March and began to get settled in Finnish suburbia fighting back boredom and frustration. A tough thing to do.

These days I often recall Francesca (a character from “The Bridges Of Madison County”) who once said: “When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children; in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you're expected move again only you don't remember what moves you because no-one has asked in so long. Not even yourself.”

…And I start to wonder if I am actually capable of leaving the swinging twenty-something life behind and ready to dedicate myself to my brand-new family.

7 comments:

yogurt said...

Powerful quote and to this mom of three teens, it feels quite true. I love being a mom, wouldn't do it differently, but it sure takes the wind out of my sails and that of my marriage. It's a real struggle to stay true to your young spirit but it's doable, to some extent. I work really hard to keep my own life and not succomb to the pressures of allowing my kids to become the only priority.

As for the solitude of Finland, blogging will be such a lifesaver. Finding like minded friends will be the other. Best wishes to you.

Sunny said...

Thank you, yogurt:)

The closer the due day is the more doubts there are. I just keep my fingers crossed that I'll manage to maintain all aspects of my life.

Pseudo said...

Wow. It's tough, from one coming out on the other side. I am trying to regain the me that had to be put aside for so many years while I raised children. However, teen drama has so blasted our lives, I am looking forward to boring and time to think and reflect... create....

Sunny said...

Pseudo, your blog shows that you are managing to regain your Me very well. I'm very happy for you :)

Gaston Studio said...

The quotation from The Bridges of Madison County is one I remember so well from having read the book several times... probably because she was describing the me I became as a wife and mother. What is so wonderful though, is finding yourself again, once the kids are all grown, and becoming a better person for it all.

Gaston Studio said...

What I meant was, "becoming a better person because of all I had lived."

Mo said...

Not sure I could have lived in such cold.