why coffee's gone

I had a meeting in the morning today that's why I stepped in the office only around 11AM. The bosses bombarded me with questions right away:
where the IT fellow was;
where the contract was that we had signed the day before,
who delivered the parcel with ammunition;
whom the parcel was sent to;
where the hell I had been to;
why coffee had gone

Okay, okay guys. I have just got in, so let's deal with one problem at a time. I need my coffee, the printer doesn't print, the parcel... I NEED MY COFFEE. The last shout came from the president, so the others went silent and let me deal with the coffee machine first. Explaining that I had been at the meeting, which you, guys, had sent me to, I examined the coffee machine.

I didn't know there was a planned meeting this morning, mumbled the executive. Well, of course he didn't. When I was arranging the meeting he invited a new secretary to lunch out. The two never returned that day.

As for the coffee. It hadn't gone. There was something wrong with the screen and it showed that the coffee wasn't there, while it was... So, I just pressed the button "coffee" and... to everybody's amazement there it was in the president's favourite cup. He looked really happy.

The contract. Actually, we didn't sign anything yesterday. We discussed several terms and agreed to send in a new version the next day. It means to-day, sir, so we're about to find it in the inbox. Uh, oh... okay then.

Now, the parcel. That was a mystery indeed, as nobody ever ordered that sort of delivery into the office. The addressee was the executive, though. So me and the president headed to his office and asked if he was planning to shoot someone in particular soon. He looked at us in a confused-scared way and said to go to hell with the parcel. Well, I do have a shotgun, but the shells are for some other type of gun. So I just put a return-to-sender sticker on it and locked in the bookcase.

The IT guy was *on his way* to fix the printer, that didn't print, so I asked everybody to be calm and not to press the print button. However they kept on pressing it. As soon as the printer was fixed it printed a dozen copies of each and every document.

The contract arrived at around 2 PM and the bosses headed to the conference room. Phew!

In half an hour the executive tiptoed into my cubicle and whispered: The parcel is mine. Please, don't tell anyone.

Okay, I whispered back. He beamed and went back to the conference room.

I had already started blogging when a scream came from the room: "Why coffee's gone? Again"